Acceptance
a conversation i had with emily yesterday as she was getting ready to take her nap.
emily: ya' know what mom?
me: what, emily.
emily: there are no naps in heaven.
me: really?
emily: yeah, because we are not grumpy in heaven. we are always happy.
me: really?
emily (chin quivering and tearing up): yep. (long pause) mom, why did your brother have to die?
now, that took me off guard.
me (trying to hold it together): well, emily, i don't know. but what i do know is God decides when we go to heaven.
emily (crying now): was he doing something wrong?
me: not exactly (she does know he had an "accident with his car"). God decided that day that it was time for him to go up to heaven, so that's what happened. (i wanted to add, if He wanted to change it, He could have, but He didn't -- but i didn't want to get into a conversation like that) i don't like it that it happened that way, but it was not for me to decided. i have to trust God because i know he knows best.
emily: can i take night-night bear to heaven?
me: we'll see emily. i know that was a totally wrong answer, but i just did not want to get into the discussion (again) about why night-night bear can't go to heaven.....she's only 4 and i really needed her to take a nap.
me: emily, what's wrong? (she's suddenly crying more)
emily: i'm just missing heaven mom. i really want to go there - now. why can't i go there now?
me: like i said emily, it's not up to us to decide when we go to heaven. we have lots of things to do here on earth. we are supposed to live everyday for God and try hard to do the things God wants us to do, the things He's planned for us to do. when He decides it's time for us to go up to see Him, we'll be ready.
emily: okay. goodnight mom.
me: goodnight, emily.
for a little over a year now emily has been asking a lot of questions about heaven. we've done the best we can explaining things to her. she'll be having a completely normal day, then come downstairs in tears because she's "missing" heaven. she can't wait to get there. what is odd though, she knows you have to die to get to heaven, and you don't come back. but she still wants to go. one day she was just going on and on about wanting to go and i told her she would not be going to heaven until she was very old. then she started asking about older people in her life and when were they about to go up to heaven? we can't win with it. i realize that it probably was not the greatest thing to tell her only old people go to heaven. but at the time we really did not want to tell her anybody can die at any moment, even little kids. but anyway. i guess we'll have that discussion with her sometime.
so anyway do you guys have any idea when we should go a little further explaining God, Jesus etc. to her?? should we be presenting the plan of salvation to her?? we've started talking to her about sin and what it is and all, and she knows the story of Jesus on the cross, but at what age do you go deeper?
and if you are wondering why i called this post "acceptance" it's because it's real to me now. i know i'll never truly understand why chris died, or lloyd for that matter. but what i can acknowledge and accept that God did have a purpose for it and He is in charge. that's a huge step for me. when i was having that conversation with her yesterday i cried afterwards thinking back on what i said. i really do believe what i said, and i guess i always have.
emily: ya' know what mom?
me: what, emily.
emily: there are no naps in heaven.
me: really?
emily: yeah, because we are not grumpy in heaven. we are always happy.
me: really?
emily (chin quivering and tearing up): yep. (long pause) mom, why did your brother have to die?
now, that took me off guard.
me (trying to hold it together): well, emily, i don't know. but what i do know is God decides when we go to heaven.
emily (crying now): was he doing something wrong?
me: not exactly (she does know he had an "accident with his car"). God decided that day that it was time for him to go up to heaven, so that's what happened. (i wanted to add, if He wanted to change it, He could have, but He didn't -- but i didn't want to get into a conversation like that) i don't like it that it happened that way, but it was not for me to decided. i have to trust God because i know he knows best.
emily: can i take night-night bear to heaven?
me: we'll see emily. i know that was a totally wrong answer, but i just did not want to get into the discussion (again) about why night-night bear can't go to heaven.....she's only 4 and i really needed her to take a nap.
me: emily, what's wrong? (she's suddenly crying more)
emily: i'm just missing heaven mom. i really want to go there - now. why can't i go there now?
me: like i said emily, it's not up to us to decide when we go to heaven. we have lots of things to do here on earth. we are supposed to live everyday for God and try hard to do the things God wants us to do, the things He's planned for us to do. when He decides it's time for us to go up to see Him, we'll be ready.
emily: okay. goodnight mom.
me: goodnight, emily.
for a little over a year now emily has been asking a lot of questions about heaven. we've done the best we can explaining things to her. she'll be having a completely normal day, then come downstairs in tears because she's "missing" heaven. she can't wait to get there. what is odd though, she knows you have to die to get to heaven, and you don't come back. but she still wants to go. one day she was just going on and on about wanting to go and i told her she would not be going to heaven until she was very old. then she started asking about older people in her life and when were they about to go up to heaven? we can't win with it. i realize that it probably was not the greatest thing to tell her only old people go to heaven. but at the time we really did not want to tell her anybody can die at any moment, even little kids. but anyway. i guess we'll have that discussion with her sometime.
so anyway do you guys have any idea when we should go a little further explaining God, Jesus etc. to her?? should we be presenting the plan of salvation to her?? we've started talking to her about sin and what it is and all, and she knows the story of Jesus on the cross, but at what age do you go deeper?
and if you are wondering why i called this post "acceptance" it's because it's real to me now. i know i'll never truly understand why chris died, or lloyd for that matter. but what i can acknowledge and accept that God did have a purpose for it and He is in charge. that's a huge step for me. when i was having that conversation with her yesterday i cried afterwards thinking back on what i said. i really do believe what i said, and i guess i always have.
posted by Michelle at 12:59 PM
6 Comments:
Whoa. That's WAY too heavy. The Monkey has started to ask these sorts of questions too, and I'm amazed by the abstract thoughts he's able to have about Heaven, God, etc. He's been praying that God makes Vanilla Bean's legs feel better - and I figure that if God isn't hearing HIS prayer, then there's no way He's hearing mine!
wow! we aren't there yet with andrew, so i'm not much help. i think it's so sweet that she's asking questions and stuff. seems like it's a start to talk about salvation...but what do i know.
i'm with shandra about not having to do that yet, but a wise woman once told me to only answer as much as they ask - don't go deeper. sounds like she's asking deeper questions though, so maybe she's ready! i'll pray for you to say just the right words for her little heart to hear and absorb...
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Wow! She amazes me with her logic and knowledge, you are doing a great job! When she starts with the questions say a little prayer asking God for the words she needs at that moment. I will also be sure and pray that God lays it on my heart to pray also when you are answering these questions. Then in 3-4 years you can give me some of your knowledge!
I don't know the story of your brother, but I do know it affected you deeply. I am glad you are gaining that acceptance that you have had in your heart into your head. We don't know why God does what he does, but we know He always has a reason, we may never understand or like it, but He always has a reason and His way is the best way.
What a great post! Thank you for sharing. It is always a good reminder that HE REALLY IS IN CHARGE!!!!!
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